TAKE NOTE…a single act of stupidity overshadows all previous achievements

keeping with this blogs recent tradition of highlighting my imprudent behavior i would like to tell a story of a young man who missed his boat from ensenada to los angeles (encase anyone was wondering, that idiot was me). having recently watched boondock saints i feel the need to "tarantino this bitch" to properly set the mood. I'M STANDING ON A DOCK IN ENSENADA WATCHING MY CRUSE SHIP SAIL OFF INTO THE SUNSET AND ALL I CAN THINK OF IS MY MOM AND DAD KICKING MY ASS. having said this i suddenly don't feel like elaborating on the events of the previous 5 hours but i will say that yes, i may have had a few to many drinks while exploring the streets of ensenada, but no i wasn't as drunk as what was conveyed to my parents upon their realization that i was not aboard. in all honesty i was under the impression that we had to be back to the ship at 5:00 pm, but i bet thats what every idiot that misses their boat says. i made it back to los angeles thanks to my awesome friends lechera and elefante from tijuana but thats not really the point of this post...

i'de like to take this chance to do what i have always had trouble doing in person. i'd like to apologize to all those who were insulted by my irresponsible and immature actions last weekend. please disregard my recent acts of stupidity as they are a poor reflection of my character. i'm sorry...please don't fire or disown me!

BON VOYAGE…wait that’s my boat!

this is what it looks like to miss your ride back to los angeles. it's almost amusing that my favorite picture from the entire trip was at a time of desperation in which i realized that i was stuck in mexico...almost amusing.

"oh no...she's a rejector"

two stories, one title.
sometimes when guys sing about giving blow jobs while wearing spandex, makeup, fishnet stalkings, and frilly womens boots from the 80's, i think they're gay...sometimes they have a wife, two kids, and are in the best band ever! i love you of montreal!
secondly...sometimes when you feel like you're hitting on conjoined twins you should just quit and move on. no matter how gorgeous one of them is, its just not gunna happen.

breast cancer saved my life...

probably not the most sensitive title i've ever attached to a post but in many ways true...minus the whole cancer thing, and having breasts...whatever. anyway, after a sorority sponsored event on thursday night to raise money for breast cancer i found myself in an unpleasant situation reminiscent of my early days of puberty and the night i met my first girlfriends dad. the difference was, instead of being told to keep my dick in my pants i was being accused of driving drunk and was forced to administer balance tests as if i was trying out for the fucn circus. while these events may seem different, in both i found myself totally embarassed in front of a new girl and fearing for my life...hence the odd comparison. i wont give the blow-by-blow but i will say that while under extreme stress i found myself constantly referring to the breast cancer event i had just attended and my admiration for the Y-Me breast cancer organization...desperate times call for desperate measures. anyway, i'm happy to say that after mastering my balancing act i passed the breathalysers with a 0.07! (legally drunk = 0.08...isn't that some bullshit!). i was so happy i almost shit myself. so...the moral of the story is, when u go to a breast cancer event with a pretty girl (...and friends), 1) keep it to one drink, 2) turn on your fucn headlights when you leave the parking structure, and 3) keep your dick in your pants...metaphorically of course.

B-Riz + Hiz-Air (1) Midgets w/ Attitude (4)

this weekend at my buddy DM's house i was manhandled by midgets with wiimotes during the first annually Wii tennis tournament. laugh all you want but, coming from someone who didn't even know what a Wii was, it was a blast. as you can tell by the tittle of this post my partner Hiz-Air and i were totally crushed by 14 YEAR OLDS. excuse the emphasis but during one of our 4 losses i referred to my opponent as a 12 year old and was abruptly corrected. "I'M 14 ASSHOLE". kids these days have some dirty fucking mouths. good news is, we totally got the prize for best dressed. that makes us the real Wiinners right?